November 23, 2010

Dirty Pillowz

My friend Robert over at pr0g33k sent me a link to these so called Dirty Pillowz, marketed "for lover's of 70's crafts and 70's porn". These are definitely made for someone whose birth year falls either in or before the 70's. Someone from my generation would have googled something along the lines of "porn pillows", "sex pillows" or hell would have just went straight to the Liberator website since we all know this is where you go for sex furniture.

I will commend the creator on putting together the latch hook kit for the elderly to work on after their husband's Extenze has worn off and he has fallen asleep. Nothing like getting back to your knitting after you have rocked your knickers off huh? I wouldn't know as I definitely relate more to to Pocket Porn than knitting your porn. This seems like too arduous of a task for me. I would rather surf the web, point, click and wait for my new toy to arrive in the mail already put together.

I did find another dirty pillow creator who sells pillows already put together but you don't get the 70's carpet feel that you do in the pillow pictured above.

November 19, 2010

Lick it like a Pussy Lolly!

This is supposed to help all the knights in training out there. It looks eerily odd to me, like one of those fake ears you get on Halloween. The worst part about the Pussy Lolly (As if the look alone was not enough) is that they really thought it was necessary to have pierced and menstruating lolly's as well (Yes I said menstruating, as in clown face). Are the menstruating lolly's like fruit gushers where, when you bite into them juicy red goodness squirts out, because that would only complete the horrific picture.

There are plenty of these types of novelty items out for bachelor/bachelorette parties but most of them clearly look like candy lollipops shaped like penis', boobs, etc. This one doesn't even look like candy and it is plum flavored. I am going to have to pass on this one and categorize it under WTF!

November 17, 2010

Wear a Willy

Ah, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that there would be cousins and knock offs to the Sexy Bands but I can't think of a better one than just pure ding a lings. And equally as hilarious is the fact that they have a uniball version called "Lance" and "The Politician" is crooked. Very clever.

The Wear A Willy pack comes with 12 bands and is only $3.99. Get yours today!

Because some people need help

I love that while America is so obsessed with hiding nudity that we will place nothing but a finger to cover a nipple yet we have articles like 8 Locations for a Quickie to help enlighten our more vanilla peers on things that seem pretty obvious to the rest of us. Are there really people that need to be told that wearing a skirt is easier for access if you are feeling naughty? I am highly skeptical that there are people out there whose minds are so conservative that they don't venture outside of the bedroom when it comes to sex. I understand that some people are private and that discussions about this are generally frowned upon, but, at the end of the day, I pity the fool that hasn't given in to their primal desires at some point in their life, even if you have to blame it on a "drunken night(s) in college".

Who knows what the cause may be for tapping in to your inner freak but I fully believe that everyone possesses this gift and should tap into it at some point in their life. Sometimes it takes a special someone to help us get there but, undeniably, there is a beautiful feeling in being able to let go of all your inhibitions in order to move your body into a state of euphoria that you naturally crave. Why deny yourself the full potential of this greatness?

In case you need a little more help, a fellow blogger, The Cognitive Slut, has helped out with 100 more places for you to romp around.

November 12, 2010

Pole Dance Party 2

The people over at Adult Swim have created Pole Dance Party 2 for everyone to enjoy. This game is closely patterned to Guitar Hero and all the others like it only made for your PC. You can control your stripper by hitting the right keys when the money goes down the stage. Be careful though because if you miss a coin then Candy might fall flat on her ass and you may lose.

I thought this was a cute little game that allowed me to tap into my inner stripper along with pass some of the creeping time away from this day. If only it could mind warp me into a few hours from now so I could go home for the weekend. That would be even better.

November 11, 2010

I'm Moving to New Orleans!

I knew you could have a good time in The Big Easy but I didn't know that's what they meant. It's been a while since I have been there and I am thinking this great study by Condomania just gave me a good reason to go back. I suppose New Hampshire is listed as the top state since it has a population of about 500. I am highly disappointed that my great state of Texas fell short in every way. I really need to think about relocating soon.

I love how 1,2, and 3 are all on opposite sides of the country so no matter where you are, you can find something, unless, of course, you are in the Midwest and then you are pretty much screwed and not in a good way.

November 10, 2010

Wet Beaver Alert

12x Thank You to the girls over at The Berry for adding the wonderful men of the 2011 FDNY City of the Brave Calendar. These men can come rescue my cat any day of the week.

November 9, 2010

Sexy Bands

For almost every fad there is a, more improved, erotic version and Silly Bandz are no exception. Anyone who is breathing has seen kids of all ages wearing these plastic stretchy bracelets, and now rings, and probably wondered the same thing I have: Who the hell would wear this shit? They don't even coordinate very well but this is coming from someone who grew up when slap bracelets came out cutting everyone so I suppose I should be happy that, at least, they aren't metal and injuring kids (that I know of at least).

Sexy Bands certainly peak my interest as a tasteless adult who loves most things erotic. What better than something that has been patterned after a child's product. I mean, if you have kids and are subjected to such juvenile inventions then you should at least have some adult fun with it too, right? As long as you don't mix the two you should be good. Last thing you want is your daughter walking around school with a super stretchy plastic dick around her wrist. Imagine what might happen when she goes to trade that one. 

So far they have the Party Pack and the Position Pack and luckily they are on sale for $4.99 a pack so get yours today. Soon, they will also have the Stripper Pack, which only leads me to wonder what they will come up with next. Possibly the fetish pack, or the bestiality pack. I have my fingers crossed for the bondage pack.

November 5, 2010

Snuggie Sutra

Once again, I feel so special for knowing about something long before the press got a hold of it and yet another idea I wish my uncreative mind would have thought of first. Snuggie Sutra is exactly what the tag line says it is, "Erotic Fun in Your Blanket with Sleeves". I have been following Snuggie Sutra on Facebook for quite some time now and I laugh with every new politically incorrect position they come out with. If I were not a mother and didn't have to be very cautious about what coffee table books I leave laying around the house then I would definitely keep this one out, however, I really don't care to hear my Princess asking me what The Horse Blanket is, which is my personal favorite.

With names like "The Mel Gibson", "King James", and "Noah's Ark", how could your curious mind not check it out. And these are just the ones we are privy to know about it. I will have to buy the book to find out all the other glorious erotic positions I can defile my snuggie with. And here I thought I was getting something pink to help with Breast Cancer Awareness. Little did I know I landed on a golden shower. Good thing it is machine washable.

November 2, 2010

Wet Beaver Alert

MMMM, my first love, Shemar Moore. Man, he is still just as sexy as he was on the Young & Restless.

November 1, 2010

The Stimulus Package

A while back I heard about the "Head O State" (pictured to the right above) and while wondering why these products were not around when Bush was giving us a thorough fucking I was also highly amused at the taglines such as "Make this an erection election to remember!" and "Everybody knows politics is a contact sport." Well today, while visiting Playboy's SFW site, The Smoking Jacket, I found this article on the Obamarator.

The clever name award certainly goes to Head O State and its celebrity endorsement but the Obamarator looks a lot more like the real thing, making the role play a lot more believable, even down to the tie. Plus it vibrates, making that Yes We Can a lot easier to feel. Now, I am not one to get too involved with politics because those that do are equally as annoying as the religious gurus, however, I might start getting more involved if the advancement of presidential dildos continues.

I furthered my search and did find that there was, indeed, a George Dubya Tush butt plug but my guess is the high demand shut down operations at the sweat shops so I am sad to announce that this product is no longer for sale.