October 27, 2010

World's Largest Gummy Worm!

My friend pr0g33k sent me this yesterday and, as if this image isn't bad enough, I found out there was even a video to go along with this outlandishly phallic edible gummy worm.

The World's Largest Gummy Worm is 128 times more massive than a traditional gummy worm, measures twenty-six inches long, weighs approximately 3 pounds, and will fill you up with 4,000 calories.

"Each World's Largest Gummy Worm features dual flavors, a ribbed body, and a five inch girth." Since the product is sold out, I feel fairly confident in my assumption that someone has bought and used this creepy treat in some very inappropriate ways.

To make matters worse, there is a video about the product that is equally as disturbing as this picture that definitely speaks 1,000 words.

For your enjoyment:

October 26, 2010

Does your truck have Nuts?

ThatsNutz, Truck Nutz, Bulls Balls. Whichever brand you prefer, there is a nut for you out there. I first heard of these a few years ago and have been on the lookout ever since. Even being from the south, I have only seen a few trucks with these on them, however all of which had a lift kit as well as the notorious Calvin sticker pissing on a competitors logo. Coincidence. I think not. Douchebaggery discriminates against no one.

Don't worry ladies. If you don't own a truck or can't possibly think of a way to fit more nutz into your mouth life, they have a solution for you as well. They carry nutz on a keychain as well so you can keep your nutz with you at all times. I am personally thinking about a pair of chrome ones for mine.

Apparently the state of Florida thought the idea of this was so unconstitutional that they now have a ban on these as well as a hefty $60 fine so if you are in the Sunshine state, don't show your Truck Nutz.

Tea Bagging Bags

I love finding hilarious sexual products that have everyday uses. Today we have the teabagging bag from the guys (I would assume) over at The Cheeky. They have come up with the teabag that leaves onlookers thinking WTF? I mean, how do you think you would react if you walked past someone and they had, what appeared to be, droopy nut sacks hanging in their teacup. The best part about this product is that it's reusable so you can teabag over and over again.

October 25, 2010

How do YOU measure up?

Finally a condom that puts the money where my mouth is. This will certainly prove or disprove that machismo guy at the bar who always like to brag about how "gifted" he is. If I ever get back to the dating scene, I shall invest in some Condometrics, which is currently still in the manufacturing phase.

I might just have to put some in my purse for the next time I run into that King Douche who thinks his shit is hung lower than the donkeys in Mexico. Apparently these will come in centimeters as well as inches so if you are not feeling too confident in your shaft size then maybe you should opt for the centimeters. It always helps me when I see my weight in kg over pounds. I'm just sayin ...

And remember ....

"By respecting your penis, you respect yourself."

October 22, 2010

Robotic Vaginas for Childbirth

Apparently now they have robotic vaginas that will be used is childbirth simulations to help students. I don't know whether to be extremely disgusted or slightly proud of the scientific advance. On one hand, as a mother, I believe that any education that will help a mother during one of the most beautiful moments of her life is a great thing, but on the other I am really creeped out by the sound that I am hearing from this robot. Combine this with all the stuff I have seen recently on robot dolls and all I see is a creepy coming to life of Second Life.

I would think that there is another way to educate practitioners on childbirth other than robots that spit out robotic children. I certainly hope that if this becomes a true reality, this is kept in the educational realm and does not spill over into the sex doll phase that seems to be really taking off.

Protect Your Breasts!

In this age, having chest wrinkles can really set you back. I don't know about you, but take one good look at a city pool or water park and you will see that these Grandma's are seriously stacked. In order to keep little Billy's hard on erect, Esther is going to need something at night to keep those bad boys perky.
Lucky for Esther, they have the Intimia and the Kush to help her out. Either one of these two products will help support the breasts while you are sleeping so you don't wake up with those awful chest wrinkles. The Kush is more designed for side sleepers whereas the Intimia will support any sleeper, thus giving it an advantage between the two. Both are marketed towards the aging population, along with pregnant and tender breasted women. 

Another separator between the two is price. The Intimia will run you $59.95 while the Kush only costs $19.95. Never discount the hilariousness of made for TV products. I'll leave you with the ad for the Kush:


October 19, 2010

Carve This!

Now that you are old enough to rebel and wear the least amount of clothing possible resembling your favorite character, endless amounts of fishnet stockings and body glitter just are not enough. You need an equally raunchy pumpkin to go with your raunchy costume so try Pornkins, a pumpkin carving kit which includes 10 stencils of some of your favorite sexual positions. My favorite is the one above which I call The Window to Your Soul. In case leaving your porch light off isn't enough to deter trick-or-treaters, try the glowing powers of the anus.

Pocket Porn

There’s nothing worse than a girlfriend finding your treasure chest of porn and consequently discovering your hidden fetish. Even if you throw away the boxes, the graphic x-rated images on the DVDs and Blu-Ray covers make it hard to argue that what appears to be a porn entitled, Filthy Filipino Freaks, is actually a touching documentary exposing the underground trade of trafficking Asian circus freaks. The move to selling porn on a compact, nondescript flash drive eliminates this potential problem and opens up a new realm of possibilities for adult content.

The people over at Flesh Drive have teamed up with a few Adult film production studios to provide you with portable porn. With titles like Squirting Young Sluts, It's a Mommy Thing, and Flower's Squirt Showers, I don't know how you could pass this up. This definitely puts a whole new meaning to "plug n' play".

The flesh drives are portable USB's that come is a variety of sizes and types, giving you hours of "entertainment". You choose your "genre" and they will fill your FleshDrive with quality content geared towards your likes. The 4gb run's about $40, the 8gb around $70, and the 16gb is about $120.

Since we live in such an environment-friendly age now, the makers would also like you to know that the FleshDrive is eco-friendly so you don't have to bother Mother Nature by using DVD's anymore.

Now the only thing you have to worry about is your wife grabbing the wrong flash drive for her business presentation and showing up for work with Gorgeous Teen Pussy inadvertently making her whole office aware of her husband's secret desires.

October 18, 2010

Wet Beaver Alert

A little Monica Bellucci to start the week off. Great Body!

Stuff Your Bust!

What an ingenious idea! Since so many women choose their bra as their favorite stuffing grounds, what a better product to come out with than the cleavage caddy. Awesome name as well. Leaves no room for question which is nice. I would be interested to know how comfortable and effective it is. Just by looking, it doesn't appear to look that uncomfortable.

I wonder if it makes your boobs look like phones through your shirt because that wouldn't be very cute.

October 15, 2010

Cake Farts

Of all the turn-ons out there, one that I can't seem to grasp is farting. Sure it means your relationship has moved to that uber comfortable level when you can fart in front of your lover, but getting aroused by it is beyond my comprehension. Maybe I haven't been privy to the Mariah Carey farts of this world. I will file this under the "to each is own" category.

BEWARE: You will never look at cakes the same again after watching this. Consider yourself warned.

Barry the Beaver: Dildo Art?

For my inaugural post I present you with "Barry the Beaver" and all his glory. Barry is classified as "dildo art" which i find interesting. He is shaped like a dildo, vibrates like a dildo, yet is considered a novelty that is kept on a shelf, which i personally find shameful to the dildo name. I suppose that is why he is only 5.25" in length, making sure ravenous women weren't defiling poor little Barry by shoving him up their beaver craving twats or possibly replacing the gerbils place.....I won't go there. I guess Jeremy wanted to take it even further by creating a limited edition Black Beaver which is still the same length might I add. I guess he didn't know about the myth or maybe since he is creating dildo art he has some experience in this field. Only thing cuter would be if it came with a matching Barry key chain so you could show Barry off to all your friends as well.