December 16, 2010

Sticky Situations

A fertility clinic in Australia decided to place an ad in this month's FHM magazine that would cause the pages to stick together, literally. As you flip through the pages you come to a page that is stuck with a gooey, sperm-like substance.

If they don't carefully put the magazine at this site and actually get the page unstuck they will see a woman wearing lingerie and the ingenious tagline "Don't Waste Your Sperm". The ad is directing young men to a website that has them take a quiz to see if they should donate their sperm.

Personally, I think it is a pretty cool ad. Disgusting, yes, but also very creative and I would be very curious to see how well it does for them. Too bad it would never fly over here in the states. Somehow, I just see the religious righteous finding a way to stop that from ever happening here.

November 23, 2010

Dirty Pillowz

My friend Robert over at pr0g33k sent me a link to these so called Dirty Pillowz, marketed "for lover's of 70's crafts and 70's porn". These are definitely made for someone whose birth year falls either in or before the 70's. Someone from my generation would have googled something along the lines of "porn pillows", "sex pillows" or hell would have just went straight to the Liberator website since we all know this is where you go for sex furniture.

I will commend the creator on putting together the latch hook kit for the elderly to work on after their husband's Extenze has worn off and he has fallen asleep. Nothing like getting back to your knitting after you have rocked your knickers off huh? I wouldn't know as I definitely relate more to to Pocket Porn than knitting your porn. This seems like too arduous of a task for me. I would rather surf the web, point, click and wait for my new toy to arrive in the mail already put together.

I did find another dirty pillow creator who sells pillows already put together but you don't get the 70's carpet feel that you do in the pillow pictured above.

November 19, 2010

Lick it like a Pussy Lolly!

This is supposed to help all the knights in training out there. It looks eerily odd to me, like one of those fake ears you get on Halloween. The worst part about the Pussy Lolly (As if the look alone was not enough) is that they really thought it was necessary to have pierced and menstruating lolly's as well (Yes I said menstruating, as in clown face). Are the menstruating lolly's like fruit gushers where, when you bite into them juicy red goodness squirts out, because that would only complete the horrific picture.

There are plenty of these types of novelty items out for bachelor/bachelorette parties but most of them clearly look like candy lollipops shaped like penis', boobs, etc. This one doesn't even look like candy and it is plum flavored. I am going to have to pass on this one and categorize it under WTF!

November 17, 2010

Wear a Willy

Ah, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that there would be cousins and knock offs to the Sexy Bands but I can't think of a better one than just pure ding a lings. And equally as hilarious is the fact that they have a uniball version called "Lance" and "The Politician" is crooked. Very clever.

The Wear A Willy pack comes with 12 bands and is only $3.99. Get yours today!

Because some people need help

I love that while America is so obsessed with hiding nudity that we will place nothing but a finger to cover a nipple yet we have articles like 8 Locations for a Quickie to help enlighten our more vanilla peers on things that seem pretty obvious to the rest of us. Are there really people that need to be told that wearing a skirt is easier for access if you are feeling naughty? I am highly skeptical that there are people out there whose minds are so conservative that they don't venture outside of the bedroom when it comes to sex. I understand that some people are private and that discussions about this are generally frowned upon, but, at the end of the day, I pity the fool that hasn't given in to their primal desires at some point in their life, even if you have to blame it on a "drunken night(s) in college".

Who knows what the cause may be for tapping in to your inner freak but I fully believe that everyone possesses this gift and should tap into it at some point in their life. Sometimes it takes a special someone to help us get there but, undeniably, there is a beautiful feeling in being able to let go of all your inhibitions in order to move your body into a state of euphoria that you naturally crave. Why deny yourself the full potential of this greatness?

In case you need a little more help, a fellow blogger, The Cognitive Slut, has helped out with 100 more places for you to romp around.

November 12, 2010

Pole Dance Party 2

The people over at Adult Swim have created Pole Dance Party 2 for everyone to enjoy. This game is closely patterned to Guitar Hero and all the others like it only made for your PC. You can control your stripper by hitting the right keys when the money goes down the stage. Be careful though because if you miss a coin then Candy might fall flat on her ass and you may lose.

I thought this was a cute little game that allowed me to tap into my inner stripper along with pass some of the creeping time away from this day. If only it could mind warp me into a few hours from now so I could go home for the weekend. That would be even better.

November 11, 2010

I'm Moving to New Orleans!

I knew you could have a good time in The Big Easy but I didn't know that's what they meant. It's been a while since I have been there and I am thinking this great study by Condomania just gave me a good reason to go back. I suppose New Hampshire is listed as the top state since it has a population of about 500. I am highly disappointed that my great state of Texas fell short in every way. I really need to think about relocating soon.

I love how 1,2, and 3 are all on opposite sides of the country so no matter where you are, you can find something, unless, of course, you are in the Midwest and then you are pretty much screwed and not in a good way.

November 10, 2010

Wet Beaver Alert

12x Thank You to the girls over at The Berry for adding the wonderful men of the 2011 FDNY City of the Brave Calendar. These men can come rescue my cat any day of the week.

November 9, 2010

Sexy Bands

For almost every fad there is a, more improved, erotic version and Silly Bandz are no exception. Anyone who is breathing has seen kids of all ages wearing these plastic stretchy bracelets, and now rings, and probably wondered the same thing I have: Who the hell would wear this shit? They don't even coordinate very well but this is coming from someone who grew up when slap bracelets came out cutting everyone so I suppose I should be happy that, at least, they aren't metal and injuring kids (that I know of at least).

Sexy Bands certainly peak my interest as a tasteless adult who loves most things erotic. What better than something that has been patterned after a child's product. I mean, if you have kids and are subjected to such juvenile inventions then you should at least have some adult fun with it too, right? As long as you don't mix the two you should be good. Last thing you want is your daughter walking around school with a super stretchy plastic dick around her wrist. Imagine what might happen when she goes to trade that one. 

So far they have the Party Pack and the Position Pack and luckily they are on sale for $4.99 a pack so get yours today. Soon, they will also have the Stripper Pack, which only leads me to wonder what they will come up with next. Possibly the fetish pack, or the bestiality pack. I have my fingers crossed for the bondage pack.

November 5, 2010

Snuggie Sutra

Once again, I feel so special for knowing about something long before the press got a hold of it and yet another idea I wish my uncreative mind would have thought of first. Snuggie Sutra is exactly what the tag line says it is, "Erotic Fun in Your Blanket with Sleeves". I have been following Snuggie Sutra on Facebook for quite some time now and I laugh with every new politically incorrect position they come out with. If I were not a mother and didn't have to be very cautious about what coffee table books I leave laying around the house then I would definitely keep this one out, however, I really don't care to hear my Princess asking me what The Horse Blanket is, which is my personal favorite.

With names like "The Mel Gibson", "King James", and "Noah's Ark", how could your curious mind not check it out. And these are just the ones we are privy to know about it. I will have to buy the book to find out all the other glorious erotic positions I can defile my snuggie with. And here I thought I was getting something pink to help with Breast Cancer Awareness. Little did I know I landed on a golden shower. Good thing it is machine washable.

November 2, 2010

Wet Beaver Alert

MMMM, my first love, Shemar Moore. Man, he is still just as sexy as he was on the Young & Restless.

November 1, 2010

The Stimulus Package

A while back I heard about the "Head O State" (pictured to the right above) and while wondering why these products were not around when Bush was giving us a thorough fucking I was also highly amused at the taglines such as "Make this an erection election to remember!" and "Everybody knows politics is a contact sport." Well today, while visiting Playboy's SFW site, The Smoking Jacket, I found this article on the Obamarator.

The clever name award certainly goes to Head O State and its celebrity endorsement but the Obamarator looks a lot more like the real thing, making the role play a lot more believable, even down to the tie. Plus it vibrates, making that Yes We Can a lot easier to feel. Now, I am not one to get too involved with politics because those that do are equally as annoying as the religious gurus, however, I might start getting more involved if the advancement of presidential dildos continues.

I furthered my search and did find that there was, indeed, a George Dubya Tush butt plug but my guess is the high demand shut down operations at the sweat shops so I am sad to announce that this product is no longer for sale.

October 27, 2010

World's Largest Gummy Worm!

My friend pr0g33k sent me this yesterday and, as if this image isn't bad enough, I found out there was even a video to go along with this outlandishly phallic edible gummy worm.

The World's Largest Gummy Worm is 128 times more massive than a traditional gummy worm, measures twenty-six inches long, weighs approximately 3 pounds, and will fill you up with 4,000 calories.

"Each World's Largest Gummy Worm features dual flavors, a ribbed body, and a five inch girth." Since the product is sold out, I feel fairly confident in my assumption that someone has bought and used this creepy treat in some very inappropriate ways.

To make matters worse, there is a video about the product that is equally as disturbing as this picture that definitely speaks 1,000 words.

For your enjoyment:

October 26, 2010

Does your truck have Nuts?

ThatsNutz, Truck Nutz, Bulls Balls. Whichever brand you prefer, there is a nut for you out there. I first heard of these a few years ago and have been on the lookout ever since. Even being from the south, I have only seen a few trucks with these on them, however all of which had a lift kit as well as the notorious Calvin sticker pissing on a competitors logo. Coincidence. I think not. Douchebaggery discriminates against no one.

Don't worry ladies. If you don't own a truck or can't possibly think of a way to fit more nutz into your mouth life, they have a solution for you as well. They carry nutz on a keychain as well so you can keep your nutz with you at all times. I am personally thinking about a pair of chrome ones for mine.

Apparently the state of Florida thought the idea of this was so unconstitutional that they now have a ban on these as well as a hefty $60 fine so if you are in the Sunshine state, don't show your Truck Nutz.

Tea Bagging Bags

I love finding hilarious sexual products that have everyday uses. Today we have the teabagging bag from the guys (I would assume) over at The Cheeky. They have come up with the teabag that leaves onlookers thinking WTF? I mean, how do you think you would react if you walked past someone and they had, what appeared to be, droopy nut sacks hanging in their teacup. The best part about this product is that it's reusable so you can teabag over and over again.

October 25, 2010

How do YOU measure up?

Finally a condom that puts the money where my mouth is. This will certainly prove or disprove that machismo guy at the bar who always like to brag about how "gifted" he is. If I ever get back to the dating scene, I shall invest in some Condometrics, which is currently still in the manufacturing phase.

I might just have to put some in my purse for the next time I run into that King Douche who thinks his shit is hung lower than the donkeys in Mexico. Apparently these will come in centimeters as well as inches so if you are not feeling too confident in your shaft size then maybe you should opt for the centimeters. It always helps me when I see my weight in kg over pounds. I'm just sayin ...

And remember ....

"By respecting your penis, you respect yourself."

October 22, 2010

Robotic Vaginas for Childbirth

Apparently now they have robotic vaginas that will be used is childbirth simulations to help students. I don't know whether to be extremely disgusted or slightly proud of the scientific advance. On one hand, as a mother, I believe that any education that will help a mother during one of the most beautiful moments of her life is a great thing, but on the other I am really creeped out by the sound that I am hearing from this robot. Combine this with all the stuff I have seen recently on robot dolls and all I see is a creepy coming to life of Second Life.

I would think that there is another way to educate practitioners on childbirth other than robots that spit out robotic children. I certainly hope that if this becomes a true reality, this is kept in the educational realm and does not spill over into the sex doll phase that seems to be really taking off.

Protect Your Breasts!

In this age, having chest wrinkles can really set you back. I don't know about you, but take one good look at a city pool or water park and you will see that these Grandma's are seriously stacked. In order to keep little Billy's hard on erect, Esther is going to need something at night to keep those bad boys perky.
Lucky for Esther, they have the Intimia and the Kush to help her out. Either one of these two products will help support the breasts while you are sleeping so you don't wake up with those awful chest wrinkles. The Kush is more designed for side sleepers whereas the Intimia will support any sleeper, thus giving it an advantage between the two. Both are marketed towards the aging population, along with pregnant and tender breasted women. 

Another separator between the two is price. The Intimia will run you $59.95 while the Kush only costs $19.95. Never discount the hilariousness of made for TV products. I'll leave you with the ad for the Kush:


October 19, 2010

Carve This!

Now that you are old enough to rebel and wear the least amount of clothing possible resembling your favorite character, endless amounts of fishnet stockings and body glitter just are not enough. You need an equally raunchy pumpkin to go with your raunchy costume so try Pornkins, a pumpkin carving kit which includes 10 stencils of some of your favorite sexual positions. My favorite is the one above which I call The Window to Your Soul. In case leaving your porch light off isn't enough to deter trick-or-treaters, try the glowing powers of the anus.

Pocket Porn

There’s nothing worse than a girlfriend finding your treasure chest of porn and consequently discovering your hidden fetish. Even if you throw away the boxes, the graphic x-rated images on the DVDs and Blu-Ray covers make it hard to argue that what appears to be a porn entitled, Filthy Filipino Freaks, is actually a touching documentary exposing the underground trade of trafficking Asian circus freaks. The move to selling porn on a compact, nondescript flash drive eliminates this potential problem and opens up a new realm of possibilities for adult content.

The people over at Flesh Drive have teamed up with a few Adult film production studios to provide you with portable porn. With titles like Squirting Young Sluts, It's a Mommy Thing, and Flower's Squirt Showers, I don't know how you could pass this up. This definitely puts a whole new meaning to "plug n' play".

The flesh drives are portable USB's that come is a variety of sizes and types, giving you hours of "entertainment". You choose your "genre" and they will fill your FleshDrive with quality content geared towards your likes. The 4gb run's about $40, the 8gb around $70, and the 16gb is about $120.

Since we live in such an environment-friendly age now, the makers would also like you to know that the FleshDrive is eco-friendly so you don't have to bother Mother Nature by using DVD's anymore.

Now the only thing you have to worry about is your wife grabbing the wrong flash drive for her business presentation and showing up for work with Gorgeous Teen Pussy inadvertently making her whole office aware of her husband's secret desires.

October 18, 2010

Wet Beaver Alert

A little Monica Bellucci to start the week off. Great Body!

Stuff Your Bust!

What an ingenious idea! Since so many women choose their bra as their favorite stuffing grounds, what a better product to come out with than the cleavage caddy. Awesome name as well. Leaves no room for question which is nice. I would be interested to know how comfortable and effective it is. Just by looking, it doesn't appear to look that uncomfortable.

I wonder if it makes your boobs look like phones through your shirt because that wouldn't be very cute.

October 15, 2010

Cake Farts

Of all the turn-ons out there, one that I can't seem to grasp is farting. Sure it means your relationship has moved to that uber comfortable level when you can fart in front of your lover, but getting aroused by it is beyond my comprehension. Maybe I haven't been privy to the Mariah Carey farts of this world. I will file this under the "to each is own" category.

BEWARE: You will never look at cakes the same again after watching this. Consider yourself warned.

Barry the Beaver: Dildo Art?

For my inaugural post I present you with "Barry the Beaver" and all his glory. Barry is classified as "dildo art" which i find interesting. He is shaped like a dildo, vibrates like a dildo, yet is considered a novelty that is kept on a shelf, which i personally find shameful to the dildo name. I suppose that is why he is only 5.25" in length, making sure ravenous women weren't defiling poor little Barry by shoving him up their beaver craving twats or possibly replacing the gerbils place.....I won't go there. I guess Jeremy wanted to take it even further by creating a limited edition Black Beaver which is still the same length might I add. I guess he didn't know about the myth or maybe since he is creating dildo art he has some experience in this field. Only thing cuter would be if it came with a matching Barry key chain so you could show Barry off to all your friends as well.